Journey of Faith part 4–doctors

Well, I am human, and to be completely transparent, I asked this question during this next wrung of the journey. I was overwhelmed and my body was emotionally and physically weak. Two years ago I had 8 large moles removed from my back. They did a butcher job which I have the scars to prove it. Several were biopsied and others were being checked annually. Then months later, 4 lumps were found, 2 on each breast. Two were biopsied and the other 2 were clipped awaiting the next step. We were praying that nothing had changed and those lumps had not grown or taken a different look. With the breast cancer history so prevalent in our family, it was nothing to mess around with or be lax about. My follow-up appointment at the breast cancer center was lurking ahead, and I was scared. Again, at the unknowns, at the fears that many had, and this threw me to my knees several times a day. I questioned whether I should even go. I feared the medical bills while my husband had no job, I feared the news that could lead to multiple visits, surgeries, biopsies and more. I feared not knowing anything and having no control whatsoever. Simply put, I was not trusting! Trusting the One who had made me and orchestrated every moment of my life. I had my thinking all wrong.

Jesus met me often through His Word and within the quietness of  my secret places. He lovingly reminded me of His plan for me and promises that He indeed was my Shepherd and wanted me to just lay down in His green pastures as He reassured me of His love and protection. My first appointment came and they desperately wanted me to receive another test as soon as possible. They knew our timing was limited due to our upcoming move, insurance changes and more. The dynamic was crazy complicated, but I had to learn to rest solely on Him, knowing that even in this bumpy part of the journey, He desired to be my everything!

Waiting was the next bump. And, boy, waiting is hard. I wanted so desperately to just know when the next test would be. I guess so I knew when the worrying would end? ha, I don’t really know why it mattered other than wanting a sense of control. It was in the waiting that Jesus met a huge need for me. Some sweet pastor’s wives knew of the situation our family was within and kindly reached out to me mentioning that someone was providing me a time away at a pastor’s wives retreat at the Wilds. I had an incredible week away in the mountains of North Carolina surrounded by sweet new friends and tremendous moments surrounded in God’s Word! Many of the sessions were on trials, moments in our journey, sweet reminders of God’s character even in the tough times. I was refreshed, encouraged, and loved! Never once did my mind wander away thinking of the next appointment scheduled for the following week. It was minimal when I was reminded about my Abba Father and His loving character. He longed to be my everything! Tuesday came and I headed to my mri. I was at peace though, because I knew no matter the results, the Lord had this part of the journey too. He had already decided and planned what was next, and I didn’t need to worry when it was in His hands. 

However; mris and I are not friends. I have a bit of claustrophobia and I HATE this machine. It didn’t help that I had a sniffle and a cough that day too. But, it was as if the Lord just calmed it all, settled my stomach, stopped the sniffles and gave me a quiet time of prayer during a time I hated most. I knew so many were praying for me, because I felt each one in a way I cannot begin to describe.
I walked out of that office with a disk of images to take to the next city, clinic, cancer dr, or what not. I was told, “We will call you in an hour with the results and next step.” One hour? Wow, that seemed so fast, but I waited. Our family had lunch with dear friends that day, so the afternoon slipped by. Upon reaching home around 4:30 I realized I had yet to receive any news. My mind immediately slipped into worry form again, until the Lord graciously gave me His Word… Isaiah 26:3~

A dear friend brought supper over for our family that night, so again, the Lord brought a kind distraction to push away all worry and bring me happy moments of fellowship with friends. The night ended and still no news, and at that point there was nothing to do but just wait and trust.

Two long, crazy days passed and news came in the middle of absolute stress on moving day. Good News rang clear…. “results were great and you have a clean bill of health!” I will keep that voicemail for a long time reminding me of God’s goodness. We are rejoicing for this answer. But, to be honest, I was prepared to give thanks too if the news had not been good. It definitely would have been harder to give thanks, but I was begging Him to help me to do just that no matter what the results were. He is teaching me that, even in the dark moments, He is good and He has great purposes to make us  more like Jesus. I, for one, need a whole lot of teaching too! I was reminded, once again, that God was doing a work in me through teaching me how I ought to truly. My faith was being strengthened in ways I never imagined.

So, that wraps up that wrung of the ladder of our faith journey. It was a wrung that I felt He just threw in the mix to test me. I failed often in my responses and haste to worry, but He allowed us to step onto that wrung with His strength. Our next wrung was Moving Day! Oh, that dreaded moving day! I can honestly say it is probably one of my most despised actions in life thus far. 😆

Until next time… I anxiously await Jesus continuing to teach me how to be more like Him even in the unknowns!