Journey of Faith Part 5–Moving Day

If you have been following our “faith story” I am sure you have read between the lines a bit recognizing our lives have been a roller coaster of emotions the last few months. Those who know me know that I am not the most emotional individual. I’m not a huge crier and I’d much rather have a smile on my face over worry and fear any day!😏 But, from a completely transparent heart, this “wrung” of our journey was a hard one. I often wish I could push the remind button allowing me time to go back and fix my reactions to be more like Jesus. But, friends, I am human and I admit this was a day when I chose to not be filled with the Spirit.

I’m skipping a few wrungs ahead of the journey for the purpose of our moving day story, but I will later post more details about how God led through those too. For about 3 1/2 weeks we had a candidating process planned to begin the day after our move. So, that is what we had geared our thinking to, our packing was based around, and so forth. And, you know, our emotions were sort of settled knowing that we at least had a place to go even if it was temporary depending on the Lord opening or closing this option.

Then, Wednesday happened….

My husband mentioned maybe buying a big tray of cookies for our moving crew the next day, and that is not something I can easily do. So, I unpacked a few things from boxes and made a big batch of cookies. He had to run a few errands making sure our utilities were changed over, mail was forwarded and more. He came home when I was finishing up the last few trays in the oven and asked for me to come upstairs to talk. My heart sank. Friends, it sank to the deepest. I started to question everything. It was as if every possibility entered my head and my stomach hurt. I finished cleaning up and hesitantly climbed the stairs only to find my husband stooped over his Bible in prayer. He took me in his arms and quietly said, “I don’t think it’s going to work!”
He had finally gotten through to the insurance company in the state we were looking to candidate in. Basically, we would have ended up in a gap clause causing us to have super high insurance costs that would not financially work for our family. He did not believe then that it would be wise for us to continue to go as planned if we knew it would not work for us in the financial sense.

What? What do you mean? God opened this door in the clearest way? He made it so obvious. We hadn’t looked for anything else for 3 weeks. Now what? I had trouble catching my breath trying to wrap my mind, heart, and emotions around this blow in “plans.” My husband began making numerous texts and phone calls trying to figure out temporary options for our family. Me, on the other hand, just went back to packing and making sure our babies had supper that night. I wasn’t mad, but I was scared. I didn’t understand how this could happen, but I knew I still had to load a truck the next night and things needed to get packed and cleaned.

Amidst all the new uncertainties the day had brought our way, we packed up our littles and drove an hour away to a sweet country church having revival meetings. It was just what our weary hearts needed. The music was great, preaching was uplifting, and the fellowship that followed was tremendous. We drove away encouraged even when our hearts were weighed down wondering what was next.

I slept very little Wednesday night. I knew tomorrow we would load our stuff onto a truck. And, the rest of plans, well, those were non-existent. Moving day morning came and I jumped in with very little energy and certainly not a “happy heart” to the unknown and stresses the day would bring. I contemplated just grabbing everything not packed and throw it to the curb. However, the items not packed were the important things that we had left unpacked because we needed them. So, my “easy out” method wasn’t really the wisest approach. 😏

Through the weeks leading up to this day we had patched several large holes in various rooms throughout the house. I had touched up the paint on most rooms, but I had 2 rooms that needed a few spots covered. I grabbed the can of paint for the girls room and set to work. It was a huge portion of one wall that needed to be painted along with a few smaller spots here and there. I finished it and closed the door signifying that this room was clean and ready. About 45 minutes passed and I stuck my head in the room to see how the paint dried…and to my horror, it was the wrong color. Well, there was no time to cry, but set to work on figuring out where the true paint can was. I found it only to discover that there was really nothing left. I prayed hard as I poured water into the bottom of the can scraping the bottom and side trying to get something to touch up the completely wrong color wall. This story ends happy because I had just enough watered down paint to make the walls match again. 😆

As I continued cleaning, I found myself in tears thinking about what or where we were supposed to go in the morning. I had forgotten to figure out housing for that night too so my brain was spinning in what options I should pursue for that. When I should have sat quietly in the darkness of our empty closet running to the throne of Christ, I was pushing a vacuum as tears ran down my face soaking the carpets beneath. When my heart should have been resting in His daily promises, it stank of an absolutely worried, non-trusting attitude. My children had nothing to do. They were bored, crazy wild, and one was having an emotional day due to the move. I had whispers of ideas of where we would go the next day from my husband being spoken in my ears. I wanted to just tune it all out. I wanted to dig a hole and hide. I just wanted the day to be over. My sweet, husband was ever so kind in trying to direct my heart back to my Savior and the truths of His goodness. He was right, I knew it, I didn’t doubt His goodness and I certainly knew He had planned this “wrung” of the journey too. But, my physical body was done, my emotions were cracked in a way I was not used to. And, I let that stinky Satan creep in and take over my reactions.

I had the stairway left to touch up and I stood in my bedroom preparing to shake the can before applying the brownish/orange paint. Upon shaking the entire lid of the paint can flew off with brownish/orange paint pouring all over me, my two “white” dressers, and all over our bedroom “white” carpet. I just dropped to my knees sobbing. It was such an overwhelming moment that I cannot even begin to describe. My sweet husband quickly grabbed the phone to call a carpet cleaner to come asap and I began to scrub to get up what I could. Our dressers, well, they are no longer white and will need to be completely redone when we settle next.

We were supposed to be at the lawyers office in 45 minutes…25 minutes away to sign the closing papers for the sale of our home. 😲 Our children were starving and there was not a drop of food in our home since we had to empty the fridge and freezers the day before. I felt like the worst human being at that moment. And, then my sweet daddy texted me and said, “Honey, stop, just smile…It will all turn out.” In the moment, nothing was turning out, and I was a mess. I washed off some of the paint that was on me, slipped on my shoes, and managed to brush my hair before piling in the van to go sign for closing. We finally managed to feed our children lunch at 3 o’clock at McDonalds. 😑

We had 2 hours before the truck would arrive and I found myself finally broken sitting on the empty floor of our empty bedroom. (except the 2 orange paint covered dressers). I had no place to turn. I had managed to cost us a few hundred dollars for the carpet man to scrub out paint from the middle of our bedroom. I had caused my children to not see mommy trusting all day. I had doubted God’s plans for me even through this “humanely speaking” awful day. I had failed. I had chosen to let Satan get his way in my wicked responses to God’s divine testings. I had to apologize and I had to step through the few remaining hours of that day striving to be like Jesus. Friends, it’s so hard. It’s hard when we let our flesh take control and we make our days so much worse for ourselves and those we love.

My sweet husband lovingly helped me choose to climb the rest of this “wrung” right. He had so much stress and pressure on him and he graciously ran to Jesus for direction and strength. He was my encourager. In the end, he got much counsel and encouragement to continue through the door Jesus had opened for us. If He chose to close it due to insurance issues, we at least had a few weeks to work that dynamic out and give us direction to the next step if He so chose for us. So, yes, all my worry and fears were pointless. And, my reactions to all that were major failures as I gave in to the devil’s discouragement.

But, friends, I look back and think about the dynamics of emotions, my exhaustion, uncertainties, and fears. All of the dynamics that day brought makes me to remember how merciful and loving my God is. He chooses to forgive me when I make such a failure of myself. He graciously uses me despite my daily failures. He indeed is good!

The semi was loaded and drove away around 9 that night and I felt I could finally breathe. I could breathe knowing that that stage was done, and this dreaded moving day was that much closer to being complete. We hit up the local huddle house with dear friends at 10 that night. We were all exhausted, but it was a sweet ending of an absolutely rotten day.

That wrung of the ladder was complete, and I was determined to step onto the next “wrung” with a much better attitude. I wasn’t truly certain what that next “wrung” would be, but I knew in my broken heart that God intended for me to be more like Him no matter where that climb took us.

It will probably be a week before I’m able to share the next wrung on our journey. Thank you each for praying for us all along the way. We are forever grateful. And, as you each climb the “wrungs of your ladder” be sure to do so with Jesus’ strength knowing that He has you in His hands.